Dear Remus, Dear Sirius
by Aquila Corax
Summary: Sirius and Remus begin exchanging letters to help keep away boredom.  Planned 6 chapter oneshot slight SBRL
1. Dear Remus

Dear Remus

Remus walked into the dorm and was about to collapse, exhausted, onto his bed when he saw an owl waiting for him, with a letter. He recognized the charcoal, sooty looking owl as Sirius' and assumed the letter in talon was from him.

He removed the parchment from the owl's talons and fell back onto his bed as the bird took off out the window.

_Dear Remus, _

_Wow, that sounds formal. Here, I'll try again._

_Hey Remus! What's up?_

_That doesn't look much better. Why would I be asking you a question that I won't even know the answer too? Why am I writing down questions that I'm asking myself? What the Hell is wrong with me?!?_

_Ok, I give up. I'll just come out and say what I wanted to say. I LOVE YOU!!! Just kidding. I wanted to write something that would shock you. Man I wish I could see you face when you read that. Hey, I could wait for you in my bed and watch you read this letter. That's a good idea…hmm. Anyway! What I wanted to say! _

_I'M BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!! Give me something to do Moony! Crossword, riddles, one of your cruel detention like essays I don't care! James is practicing for Quidditch in front of Evans and Peter is frantically trying to finish that essay for Professor Rorret. You know the one about the morality of killing beasts that can no longer be controlled by wizards. I already completed it. (Just so you know, I have that smug look on my face that you hate)_

_Now, you're angry with me, don't worry, I'll be sure to tell Rorret that you helped write a bit of it. Some of it. Roughly half of it. Ok, most of it. FINE! I SUBMIT! I SUBMIT! YOU WROTE IT ALL FOR ME! I'LL REWRITE SO WE WON'T GET IN TROUBLE!!!_

_How can you control me without even being here? You just cohered me into rewriting my essay that took three hours to write. Bloody Hell you're good._

_Now to address the questions in your mind. _

_Q: Why did I write this? _

_A: I don't have a pen pal._

_Q: Why did I choose you?_

_A: James isn't willing to put up with me, and Peter can't read._

_Q: Why don't I just talk to you?_

_A: This is more fun._

_Q: Am I expecting a response from you?_

_A: It would be nice._

_Q: What's my favorite color?_

_A: Pink. It's feminine, yet strong._

_Q: What do I want Santa to bring me?_

_A: Something inappropriate._

_Q: How long does it take for the light from the sun to reach us?_

_A: About eight minutes._

_Opps. Pince is looking pissed at me. I think I might be talking out loud. Write in a bit._

_Ok. I'm back, but now I'm writing in class. I hope it looks like I'm taking notes. Even you seem fooled. Sweet! I'm sure you'll give me the notes after class, like you always do. Thanks Rem! _

_I can't think of any much more to write to you. I'd like to get a response, so if you could, thanks. See ya later. _

_Sirius_

_P.S. James is planning on drawing on your face tonight. Something about seeing a picture of KISS, whatever that is._


	2. Dear Sirius

Dear Sirius 

Sirius walked into the dorm room after a very long study session with a few Ravenclaws. He hated all-nighters, but he was certain Professor Slughorn was going to give the class a very hard exam the next day.

He changed amidst the soft sounds of his friends breathing. He climbed into bed the quietest way he could and sunk down under the covers. He pushed his arm under his pillow so he could get better support for his head, when he felt something under there. Something that felt strangely paper like.

As excited as a kid on Christmas morning he grabbed his wand off the nightstand and ripped open the envelope to pull out Remus' letter to him and a few more pieces of paper fell onto his bed covers. With his wand giving off just enough light to read from, he soon engrossed himself.

_Dear Sirius,_

_What are you talking about? That sounds perfectly ok. It's formal, but a bit endearing. Writing something like, _

_Yo! Sirius! What is up my friend?!? _

_Ugh. It sounds so vulgar and American. Besides, don't worry about writing down questions that you're asking yourself, I do it all the time. It helps me study for exams. _

_Now, about exams. I'm pretty sure that by the time you're reading this, it's around three in the morning and you just snuk into the room after many long arduous hours spent in the library cramming for the test from Slughorn, while the rest of us are asleep. If I'm right you owe me five bars of Honeyduke's finest dark chocolate. And if you don't give it to me, I'm never going to write you again. _

_Oh and by the way, I LOVE YOU TOO!!! Just thought I ought to return the favor. I'll try to help kill your boredom. The other pieces of parchment are few crosswords and word searches you might like. Here are a few riddles for you. _

_What has no beginning, no end, and nothing in the middle? It's not 'nothing' by the way, Sirius._

_I am the warmth you feel on a cold night, the sound you hear when all is silent, the pressure destroying you when you are angered, and the color you see when you are in pain. _

_I am a white, ivory chest that holds golden riches inside. I have no hinges or keyhole. Once I am opened I can never again be closed._

_I am both a hunter and a protector. Some people find love in my radiance, while others discover their darker side when I reveal my complete self._

_As for the essays. I want you to write me a foot long parchment on the advantages of being a Black, and the joys of seeing Snape and Malfoy throughout your childhood. Actually, make it two feet. I want to make you think. As much as it hurts, it's good for you. As you always say, 'pain is just weakness leaving the body'. Great Sirius, that really helps every 28 days. And no, I do not get my period. As much as you like telling the entire school, I am not a girl._

_By the way, thank you for telling Professor Rorret that you cheated off of me. That makes all of our lives easier. _

_Now to answer your questions._

_Q: Why did I write this?_

_A: I felt sorry for you. That's it. Just pity._

_Q: Why did I choose you?_

_A: James didn't write to me and from what I've been told, Peter can't read or write. Darn, I guess he's just a pretty face._

_Q: Why don't I just talk to you?_

_A: I never do. You always talk to me and I pretend to care. It's a great symbiotic relationship. Since I'm sure you don't know what that is, look it up. Animals and Their Behaviors page 267 third paragraph down._

_Q: Am I expecting a response from you?_

_A: That's just how I thought the process worked. I write to you…you write to me…I write back…you write back to my write back… it could go on forever if we so desired. Until one of us died._

_Q: What's my favorite color?_

_A: Black. It's arrogant, yet pompous._

_Q: What do I want Santa to bring me?_

_A: Something to help keep you in line. A whip and leach sound good._

_Q: How long does it take for the light from the sun to reach us?_

_A: a) who gives a bloody damn, and b) what would you do in the eight minutes that would be worth while if the sun was exploding?_

_I hope you get to bed soon. I don't want to keep you up. Goodnight Sirius._

_P.S. If you just got into bed I would suggest you go take a shower now. James was doing something in there that looked suspicious._


	3. From Sirius

From Sirius 

Remus hadn't gotten anything from Sirius in a while. It was now the end of the year and Sirius hadn't taken the train because his parents had him come home immediately after the final tests. Remus was currently sitting by himself in a compartment across from James and Peter.

He stared out the window, willing the train to go faster. He didn't realize what he was looking at until it hit the window as though someone had chucked it.

Remus jumped up and quickly opened the window allowing the owl to enter. The dark bird shakily soared in and fell on the seat where Sirius would normaly be. This time the letter was in his beak instead of his talons. Remus concluded that that was why the bird couldn't see where it was going. He also guessed that Sirius did that on purpose to get payback on the animal.

He relieved the bird of its charge and sent him on his way. James and Peter hadn't said anything, but looked partly scared and partly curious. Remus refused to answer their request to read the letter out loud.

_Hi Rems,_

_That looks good, I think I'll stick with that. How are you doing? I hoping this letter gets to you in the train. If James or Peter ask what's in here tell them it's a love note. Here, this should help._

_I LOVE YOU REMUS!!! I THINK YOU'RE A SEXY BEAST!!! I WANT TO HAVE YOUR FURRY LITTLE CHILDREN!!!_

_That should be enough. I bet you're laughing now, aren't you! AREN'T YOU?!? Now I'm betting you actually responded to that with a nod or (god in heaven) you answered aloud. If I'm right you owe me an all expenses paid trip to Zonko's and if you don't I will never again accompany you on your nights of adventure. _

_About that, I'm sorry. I tried to beg my parents to let my leave the house over the summer, but they said no. I have to hang out the Malfoys for two months. What a great well balanced summer. On the one hand I'm going to be in a cage with two families that hate me and that I return the feelings to and on the other hand, I'm going to be in a cage with two families that hate me and that I return the feelings to, unable to see my friends. Who's ready to PAR-TAY!!! (it's an American expression. I know, I know it's weird.)_

_I'll be getting to your essay now. _

_The Advantages of Being a Black _

_&_

_The Joys of Seeing Snape and Malfoy Throughout my Childhood_

_1. As a Black I do not have to wait in line when I have to piss. Also when I have to throw up after seeing my cousin shove her tongue down Malfoy's throat._

_2. As a Black I am never asked how I spell my last name. Except once, and that muggle will never forget how to spell it. "like the color" "please spell it" "B-L-A-C-K!!!" And he was ne'er seen again._

_3. As a Black I am always treated with the up most respect, unless it involves my family. Look at a man the wrong way, then BAM! "No son of mine is gay!!!"_

_4. As a Black I am always given my share of meat, as it is shoved down my throat. "No thanks Dad, I'm thinking about going vegetarian." "What?!? No son of mine is a vegetable! Eat your meat pussy!"_

_5. As a Black I learned magic at a younger age than most and was given a head start into Hogwarts. Granted I learned most of that magic because it was practiced on me._

_6. As a Black I never have to explain why that is my favorite color. Until I saw pink. OH MY GOD!!! It is the best color. But that takes quite a bit of explaining._

_7. As a Black I never die. I will remain immortalized on the family tapestry. Until I am burned off. Thank you Cuban cigars! The worlds most wonderful way to remove family members! Either with burning them off the family tree or second hand smoke, this is the most effective way to have the people in your family kick the bucket! Cuban Cigars!_

_8. As a Black I am always near the beginning of role call. That way I can say 'here' and go back to checking out the ladies._

_9. As a Black I get a get out of Azkaban free card. I will never have to sit in one of those cells to rot._

_10. As a Black I will never have real friends. That way, I will never be betrayed. No friends, no risk. Everyone will either suck up to me or try to kill me. _

_1. Seeing Malfoy as a child means I saw him throw a fit when he was served peas, then being forced to eat them thanks to my dad._

_2. Seeing Snape as a child means I know for a fact the he only bathes when he can have a bathtub full of big pink bubbles._

_3. Seeing Malfoy as a child means I got to play pranks on him in the safety of my house. He could never find me after he was made a fool of._

_4. Seeing Snape as a child means I learned that he also serenades his little rubber ducky while he's in he bath._

_5. Seeing Malfoy as a child means I have dirt on when he came crying and running into the living room after a slug touched him._

_6. Seeing Snape as a child means I know he had to wear braces before coming to Hogwarts._

_7. Seeing Malfoy as a child means I have pictures of when he got his horrible hair cut. Same goes for Snape. Think buzz-cut mullet._

_8. Seeing Snape as a child means I know that he still has his baby teeth. He has yet to get his adult set._

_9. Seeing Malfoy as a child means I got to annoy the crap out of him while he tried seducing my cousin. Also, embarrassing photos of when she rejected him._

_10. Seeing Snape as a child means I got a head start on torturing him. James has no idea some of the things I've done to him._

_Now it's your turn. Write me an essay explaining all the disadvantages of not seeing Malfoy and Snape throughout your childhood. Onto the riddles._

_The first one about the nothings._

_Answer: Snape's love life._

_The next one about the warmth at night and all that._

_Answer: a girlfriend_

_The one about the chest._

_Answer: a skull _

_The one about the hunting and protecting._

_Answer: my mother_

_If say any of these are wrong, you're probably right. It's called BS-ing this. I thought about it long and hard. And you're right it hurt, a lot._

_You asked me what I would do in the eight minutes if the sun exploded. I would kiss a tree, kick Malfoy and Snape in the jewels, and eat an endangered animal. _

_Sirius_

_P.S. If your hair feels funny it's because James colored it in pink and purple stripes and spiked it. The only person who it looks normal to is you. Sorry, I just couldn't stop him. It was too funny!_


	4. From Remus

From Remus 

Sirius was the first up after dinner. He knew he had to get ready to go down soon. It was the first night back in Hogwarts as seventh years, and coincidentally, it was also the night of the full moon. Remus had most likely transformed by now and was awaiting their company.

He had just gotten out of his school robes when he noticed an envelope with his name on it lying innocently on his trunk. He hadn't gotten anything from Remus all summer and was now very excited to finally read his response.

_Dear Sirius,_

_I figured I get right to the chase._

_I LOVE YOU TOO!!! I ALSO THINK I AM A SEXY BEAST!!! I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO HAVE MY FURRY LITTLE CHILDREN!!!_

_That was just in case James was somehow able to read over your shoulder. As for that essay._

All of the Disadvantages of Not Seeing Malfoy and Snape Throughout My Childhood 

Not seeing Malfoy as a child means I never had to see him throw a fit and be force fed by my father.

_Not seeing Snape as a child means I never had to see him naked whilst discovering he only takes bathes with big pink bubbles._

_Not seeing Malfoy as a child means I never got to play juvenile pranks on him, after which I would hide in my house like a little scared cowardly girl._

_Not seeing Snape as a child means I never had to have my ears bleed after hearing him serenade his little rubber duck._

_Not seeing Malfoy as a child means I never had to discover that my yard had slugs in it, thus destroying any enjoyment I may have gotten out of it._

_Not seeing Snape as a child means I never got the chance to call him a metal mouth._

_Not seeing Malfoy as a child means I was never forced to keep my mouth shut while he had that horrible haircut._

_Not seeing Snape as a child means I did not find out about his baby teeth. Who the bloody Hell cares?_

_Not seeing Malfoy as a child means I never had to see him seducing my cousin. What would that look like? __Don't__ tell me!_

_Not seeing Snape as a child means I never got the chance to torture him and therefore I am not currently in a con test with James to see who can hurt him more._

_Now onto your answers to my riddles. First off. They're all wrong._

_The first one about the nothings._

_Answer: Snape's love life. Not even close. True, but not right._

_The next one about the warmth at night and all that._

_Answer: a girlfriend How is a girlfriend the color you see when you are in pain? What did she do, slap you? Well, you would be the one to know._

_The one about the chest._

_Answer: a skull Impressive! But no. Close! But no. If it's a skull, then what are the golden riches inside?_

_The one about the hunting and protecting._

_Answer: my mother Your mother protected you? Hunted you I fully believe. But protected you, not a chance._

_Well, what an interesting way to spend your last eight minutes in existence. It shows that you are a hippie, a believer injustice and a breaker of the law. If it were me, I would take a permanent marker and draw crude pictures in all the Hogwarts Library books. It seems you and James are rubbing off on me. I hope to have you join me soon._

_Remus_

_P.S. Thanks for the note a bout the hair. I was the one who colored James' green and yellow if you were wondering at dinner. If you're sitting on your bed I would suggest you stand up immediately. James rigged it to close like a bear trap after ten minutes._


	5. Post Script Sirius

Postscript Sirius 

Remus walked into his house, dead, blank eyes stared out across the old furniture and battered walls. He spotted an envelope lying on the side table next to his couch. He knew the handwriting. It had been years since either of them had bothered to send a letter to the other. And now it was too late.

_Dear Remus,_

_I'm sorry. I never wrote back to your letter. I meant to. But then James and Lily died and I was left in charge of Harry. I screwed that up royally didn't I. I was sent to Azkaban and the only thing I wanted to do was respond to you, but I was never given a chance. I escaped and for only a short time was allowed to be with you. I know we can't go back and relive the good old days, but what else is there?_

_I finally figured out your riddles. They were one of the few things I was able to think about in that place._

_What has no beginning, no end, and nothing in the middle? A ring._

_I am the warmth you feel on a cold night, the sound you hear when all is silent, the pressure destroying you when you are angered, and the color you see when you are in pain. Blood._

_I am a white, ivory chest that holds golden riches inside. I have no hinges or keyhole. Once I am opened I can never again be closed. An egg._

_I am both a hunter and a protector. Some people find love in my radiance, while others discover their darker side when I reveal my complete self. The moon. _

_Here's one for you. What can be felt, but not touched?_

_I know I never got a chance to say this out loud to you, but I meant what I said in my letters. I love you. I wish I could see your expression. Maybe I'll hide in your closet to see your face then jump out and tell you it's true._

_Hope to see you soon._

_Love, Sirius._

_P.S. James and Lily say hi._


	6. Post Script Remus

Postscript Remus 

_Dear Sirius, _

_How are you? _

_Why would I be asking you questions I'll never find out the answer to? What's wrong with me?_

_I'm sorry. I am so sorry. If I could change it all I would, but I can't. nothing I do will change the past. You are gone and nothing remains, but the things you hate and the one person you loved, that loves you too. There. I said it. What I was unable to while you were around. I love you too. But, I need to know Sirius. How can you love something like me?_

_I took you for granted, assumed you would always be there for me. Never once thinking of the possibility you might leave. Never once thanking whatever being there is that you were around. Even now, I know you want me to be happy, but all I am is dead. I'm angry, I'm depressed, I'm crushed. How could you abandon me here? Just like you did in Azkaban. _

_I know Sirius, you're right. That was against your will. You didn't want the world knowing that you all were Animagi. If they knew, you would also have to tell them what we did. I would most likely be killed and you would be jailed for life. For that I thank you. _

_I want to see you again. It hurts when I realize everything I once had is gone. It hurts so much I want it to stop. Please comfort me Siri. I know you can't come to me, so I am going to come to you. Now, I bet your shaking your head and (gods above) I bet you even shouted a response to the paper. Don't worry. I won't. I wish I could, but then you would be angry with me. Like you were last time I tried._

_"What's wrong with you? Just because you're a werewolf doesn't mean you should die! You're a danger to society! So what? So am I! So is James! Peter I'm not so sure about… But I'm begging you to understand. For all the good it would do to the world if you died, it would be nothing compared to the pain it would cause all of us! Especially me."_

_I promise I won't try and 'off' myself. I just can't stand waiting, but I will. I love you too._

_By the way, I figured out the riddle. What can be felt, but not touched? The answer is love._

_I hope you are well and that James and Lily are giving you warm welcome._

_Love Remus_

_P.S. Don't let James get his hands on any sharp objects. The last thing I want to see when we meet again is you with a half-assed job of a midnight hair cut._

Remus folded up the parchment and placed it in an envelope, sealing it with wax. He stood slowly and walked over to his owl. The bird looked at him wonderingly. He held out the letter and the owl took the parchment in its beak.

Holding out his forearm, the bird climbed on and was carried to the open window beside Remus' desk. He whispered quietly into the owl's ear then released it into the cooling night air, never expecting to see it again.


End file.
